What will my epitaph say?

Is this me or what?

Some of you know my full name is Nicole and usually when I put in Nicole on a quiz I get something different than if I'd put Nikki...well, I got the same thing for both. Freaky!

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

My finger

Have you ever seen City Slickers? If you haven't, it's a good flick. One of the conversations on there that I think I like the most is when Billy Crystal is picking up strays with Jack Palance after the stampede. Things are rough from the get go between them, but that night they have to make camp before catching up with the rest of the herd and they end up bonding. On the way back the next day, they're talking and Crystal talks about his wife not wanting him around, blah blah blah...

Palance: You city folk, you worry about a lot of shit

Crystal: Shit? My wife basically said she doesn't want me around

Palance: How old are you? 38.

Crystal: 39.

Palance: Y'all come up here 'bout the same age, same problems. You spend about 50 weeks a year gettin' knowts in your rope and then think two weeks up here will untie 'em for you. None of you get it. Do you know what the secret of life is?

Crystal: No. What?

Palance: This (holds up one finger)

Crystal: Your finger?

Palance: No. It's one thing. Just one thing.

Crystal: That's great, but what's the one thing?

Palance: That's what you gotta figure out. You stick to that one thing and everything else don't mean shit.


I gotta find my one thing cuz I worry about way too much shit.

Welcome to the new edition of getting to know your friends.

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun! Just copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to awhole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you.

1. What is your current occupation? I'm professionally unemployed

2. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the computer and my mom's rabbit throwing a fit in her cage in the other room.

3. What was the last thing you ate? Sloppy Joes

4. Do you wish on stars? Occasionally

5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black

6. How is the weather right now? A balmy 44 degrees. Areyou sure this is January in Minnesota??

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Um...someone at the temp agency I've worked through. Needed a new W-2form.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? From what I know of him, he's pretty cool and so far we share a lot in common. Shane rocks!!

9. How old are you today? 21

10. Favorite drink? Non Alcoholic - Mountain Dew. Alcoholic - Screwdrivers (or whiskey sours)

11. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey!!

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Do highlights count?

13. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Both, but not at the same time

14. Pets? Four cats and one rabbit at my mom's and a cat back at my old place (I guess he'd technically belong to my ex-roommate then)

15. Favorite month? August

16. Favorite food? Pork Fried Rice

17. What was the last movie you watched? Sky High

18. Favorite day of the year? The day I get my tax refund check

19. What do you do to vent anger? Not much lately. But at the risk of freaking some people out, I used to punchwalls and self-injure. (still do the self-injury thing once in a great while)

20. What was your favorite toy as a child? Tinker Toys and the original Nintendo Entertainment System

21. Fall or Spring? Fall. (ditto)

22. Hugs or kisses? Both

23. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry Pie, but Blueberry Cobbler

24. Do you want your friends to email you back? I'll probably just send this back to Shane and then post this on my blog so those that wish can post it ontheir own blogs and so on and so forth.

25. Who is most likely to respond? See above

26. Who is least likely to respond? Everyone (again, seeabove)

27. When was the last time you cried? Mid-September I think

28. What is on the floor of your closet? A bunch of my brother's stuff and junk that my sister didn't take with her when she and my dad moved

29. Who is the friend you have had the longest? That would have to be a boy named Lizzy

30. What did you do last night? I'm supposed to remember that far back? Um...I think I did something lame like bum around on the computer 'til like a quarter to midnight and then tried, to no avail, to go to sleep

31. Favorite smell? Grilling in the summer, freshbrownies, the smell outside just after it's rained

32. Who inspires you? Kinda lacking in the inspiration area lately

33. What are you afraid of? Probably being totally and completely alone the rest of my life. I hate to admit it most days, but I need at least some human contact every once in a while.

34. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheeseburgers! Man, I'm hungry now.

35. Favorite car? Hmm...I'd have to say either a LincolnTowncar (classy) or a Dodge Ram (kickbutt)

36. Favorite dog breed? Hands down a Rottweiler

37. Number of keys on your key ring? 5 - sister's house,apartment main door and apt. door, bike lock key, and handcuff key

38. How many years at your current job? I'm not working, but the longest job I had was for three years.

39. Favorite day of the week? Whatever day my mom has off of work

40. How many states have you lived in? MN

41. How many cities and towns have you lived in? Minneapolis, Eagan, and Lauderdale MN

42. What makes you happy? Getting/giving a real full-on hug, being with someone and being comfortable enough in the silence to not have to fill it with inane babble

43. What makes you sad? The saddest thing in the world is the feeling of lonliness

44. What's one good thing that happened to you today? I got to see my brother wrestle and win both of his matches. And I gotta give the boy props; last year he barely won any of his matches. This year he's ranked in the top two of his weight class and this Saturday he's going to the Gopher State Qualifier. You go boy!


So I know it says at the top to email this to everyone and I'm not saying you can't, but for those of you that read this and have been lacking something to write on your blog, maybe this could be the start of something.

Men beware

I got this off an aquaintance's livejournal.

FBI recruitment Women Warning!

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun."We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!"The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow."This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

-- from Goliath

Know your ABCs

A- Age: 21
B- Band listening to right now: Simple Plan
C- Career in future: No clue
D- Dad's name: Dennis
E- Easiest person to talk to: Ryan
F- Favorite song at the moment: "Shut Up" from SP's Still Not Getting Any...
G- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: worms
H- Hometown: grew up in Minneapolis (not really a town)
I- Instruments: a little guitar, a little saxophone, a little clarinet (don't tell anyone about that last one)
J- Job title: I'm professionally unemployed
K- Kids: They taste like chicken and I don't have plans to have any
L- Longest car ride ever: Not sure, but it was a straight drive from Minneapolis to Atlanta.
M- Mom's name: Dana
N- Number of siblings: 3
O- Oldest sibling: Tina
P- Phobia[s]: nothing really
Q- Quote you like: "I wasn't born with enough middle fingers"
R- Reason to smile: Just winning the lottery
S- Song you sang last: "Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan (do you notice a theme there?)
T- Time you woke up: today? 6:30 am
U- Unknown fact about me: I can write html code
V- Vegetable you hate: Asparagus
W- Worst habit: not exercising enough
X- X-rays you've had: teeth, ankle, knee
Y- Yummy food: pizza, pasta, pork fried rice
Z- Zodiac sign: Pisces

Above and beyond little brother idiocy

Sometimes I swear I could strangle my little brother and feel no remorse. I'll explain.

My ex-roommate, Amber, came over today and brought all my dvds with her as I'd asked her to. I was busy doing dishes when she came over so she set the bag of dvds on the table and said that my mail was also in there. We proceed to have lunch and I tell my little brother that he needs to clean the litter box and take out a bag of trash (specifically stated "the canteloupe rinds here on the table"). We all go about our day as usual.

Later on, 'round about 4:30 or so, he starts to watch a movie and one of the previews is for a dvd I bought. I think to myself that I'd really like to watch it so I go to get it out of the bag to find...gasp...no bag. I call Amber and ask her where it was she put the bag and she said on the diningroom table, but it might have gotten moved to the floor. I say goodbye and look again. No bag. I ask Matthew if he had seen it. No of course not. I ask if he might've taken it out to the trash by accident. He of course doesn't remember. He said that he took the litter box stuff out, the canteloupe trash, and one of three bags of trash from the floor. Hmmm.

We both go out to the dumpster, but can't find it. I call Amber again thinking maybe she mistakenly took it with her when she left. Nope. She checked the car already. The little shite and I go out again and look. Nothing. We come back in and I scour the apartment for like the third time. I even look in my mom's room and the cabinet under the bathroom sink (don't ask me why, but one time my brother put the loaf of bread down there. Swore he couldn't remember doing it). Nada. We go out to the dumpster again. Now we're both moving stuff in the dumpsters. It's not very full so unfortunately we gotta get our arms way down in there which results in our heads being almost half in the dumpster. Dumpster diving isn't as fun as it used to be when I was a kid. Of course, back then I lived in the ghetto so you never knew what you were gonna find in peoples' trash.

Anyway, still nothin'. I'm not all that mad at this point cuz I still can't believe he'd do something like that. But, what I came to figure is that, not paying attention as he does ALL the time, he took out the bag of mail and dvds and chucked them in the garbage. Then, some lucky son of a ***** found 'em and grabbed 'em. Yippee....Christmas all over again. I had at least 21 dvds!

It was only around 7:00 or so when I knew they absolutely were not in the apartment that I started getting pissed off. I mean, how can a person be so totally spaced that they don't realize they're A. carrying a bag full of dvds; and B. Throwing away a bag full of freakin' dvds!!!!! I am so pissed at that boy. He's 14 freakin' years old yet he acts like he's 5.

Of all the low down, dirty, rotten things to happen. To quote a line from Fantastic Four, "If there's a god, he hates me" - The Thing. Now, I don't really consider myself that materialistic. I've learned to do without a lot over the years. But that was hard earned money spent on those. It's like flushing a hundred or so dollars down the toilet.

I honestly haven't really thought about being able to get them back. Granted, I did have mail in the bag but it has my old address on it and I doubt somebody will go to Lauderdale just to return a bunch of kickass dvds when they could just keep 'em. I mean, if you had that choice, would you return them? Honestly?

My mom called a little while ago to say that she'd be late getting out of work. She said I sounded upset or tired...I'm a little of both, but I relayed to her what had transpired. She told me that he's gonna have to work to earn the money to buy all of them for me and it doesn't matter how long it takes him. That makes me feel a little better, but I mean, what am I gonna do in the meantime?

HE THREW MY DVDS AWAY!!!!! I don't think I've ever been so mad at him before in my life. It'd be like me throwing his gamecube and all his games away. GOD!!!!

Okay, I am so stressed that I have to go clean something or my head will explode.

Just one of the boys

I had the most fantastic time last night. I made plans to hang out with Ryan, the same guy that I mentioned in the post before this. Unfortunately, I had to go to church because our plans were for after church and it was much closer to him than if we left from my place.

Anyway, the original plan was to probably play video games (he got one of the new xbox 360s) and to call up a couple other guys we used to hang out with a lot, but hadn't seen in a while. Ryan ended up agreeing to give another guy, Jesse, a ride home so he joined our little band. Just before we left church, Ryan called up Ben and Mikey and they proceed to meet us up at Ryan's place.

At first it was Ryan and Jesse playing a bit of Medal of Honor (don't remember which one) until Ben and Mikey showed up. Then, the four of them played hockey. It was Ben and Mike against Jesse and Ryan and then Mike and Jesse against Ryan and Ben. I was content to watch up til this point, but, as some of you know, I love hockey. By the way, the graphics are awesome. It was almost better than watching a real hockey game. After a time Ryan told me to take over for him. Let me just say that Ben and I wiped the ice with Jesse and Mike. Now, you gotta understand that watching and knowing which buttons do what is one thing, but it's a little different when you're in the heat of the game with the actual controller in your hand. But, I have to say, I made some beautiful goals and some fairly good assists.

I think it was after the 6th or so goal, which made the score 6-0 Ben's and my favor, Ben just looks at me, kinda leans over and says, "Nikki, I think I love you. Any woman that likes hockey and can play video games is the woman I want to marry," to which I replied, "I feel the same, Ben, lets get hitched." Jesse and Mike ended up quitting when the score reached like 15-3. We decided to all play on one team for a bit, but Jesse kept griping about how dumb it was (this from the same guy that was griping about getting his butt whupped). Go figure. So we all played a little Perfect Dark for a while. At first it was just the four guys again, but Mike was getting bored cuz he wasn't able to kill anyone and kept getting killed himself. He finally made me take the controller and I think I got five kills in about ten minutes. That's not to boast about any ability I have. I still say it was pure luck. Although, at the end of the game, I'd bumped myself up to 17 kills.

Mike and Ben pooped out and left around 1am so I was content to watch Ryan and Jesse play Splinter Cell. When we all called it a night and I got home it was, no lie, 5:34am. Wow.

Now, for those of you that know me, you know I've been a tomboy pretty much my entire life except for a couple two week or so periods of girlishness when I've worn make-up (yuk!) and the like. But, as I've gotten older people have said that it's less appropriate for me to be the only female in a group of guys, which I say is dumb, but whatever. But to tell you the truth, it was nice to forget myself for a while and just be one of the guys again. Ladies, you might not think guys are as rude and crude as most people make them out, but what can I say, they/we are. The whole night we were unashamedly blasting out farts and belches and complimenting each other on them. One of the guys, I won't say who, actually said when we were playing Perfect Dark, and I quote, "Where in the nutsack am I?". Dude!!! We had to pause the game cuz we were all laughing so hard we couldn't see. At this point it was probably a little past midnight so we were a little overtired, but still, it was funny.

Only human

Sometimes I hate the part of me that needs people. Once upon a time I was content with not being around people for any measurable length of time. I was alright with reading for hours in my room or taking hour-long walks and not caring (at least outwardly) that people I'd befriended hadn't called me for weeks. No big deal.

I'm almost back at that point again. I still vent to one particular person the bitter feeling of not having friends return my calls or emails, though. After working so hard at trusting people and opening up to them and allowing them to see the flawed me, not so much as a "hey, how ya doin'?" from them. But, like I said, I'm almost back to not outwardly caring. Of course there's going to be that little corner of my being that has begun to revert to stone. That part that can take people or leave 'em. The part that, occasionally, will swell with the almost undeniable desire to partake of human interaction and closeness with another being, but that desire will be immediately quelled.

The other day, I got a call from someone I still consider a friend and have no bitter feelings toward whatsoever. She's one of only two people that called me after I dropped off the face of the earth for four months. I didn't hear my phone right away and, before I could decided whether I wanted to answer it, the call had gone to voicemail. She'd left a message asking how I was, saying she hadn't seen me in a while, and asking if I wanted to get together with her, her husband, or both of them. It took me a good hour of going back and forth between deciding to send her an email, call her back, or just ignore it all. I ended up calling her back and setting up a hang-out date with her husband (also a good friend of mine) one night and her another night. But, there was a time when I wouldn't have taken any time at all to decide not to bother returning the message.

I haven't quite been able to suppress a desire to have everything back to where it was. Back to a time when I think I was truly happy. I had friends I hung out with on a regular basis and we had deep, meaningful conversations. I wish I knew what happened to me to change all that.

I know wishing never did anything for anyone, but I wish. I wish that I'd had a chance at a sane, somewhat "normal" life. You're probably asking yourself, "what makes her so special?" or "doesn't she know a lot of people have it worse than she does?" You're right. I'm not all that special and I know, personally in fact, people who have had it worse than I have. But, I still have the right to wish, don't I? I wish my whole life wasn't so fucking dysfunctional.

I guess it's only human to want what one can't have.

Happy birthday to me

Okay, so it's not really my birthday, but it felt like it for a while today. I'd decided a while ago to close my checking account at Wells Fargo. It's just too damn hard for me right now to keep track of one account, much less two.

Anyway, I'd been trying to find out what my balance in said account was so I didn't go into the bank wanted to close it just to be told that I have a negative balance and I better pay or I'll find the leg breakers beating down my door. Problem was, I don't know my account number off hand and I couldn't for the life of me find a phone bank number for Wells Fargo. Finally, I got the brilliant idea to use the ATM at Super America to check my balance. My mom was already going there to get gas so it was perfect. So, I'm thinking I'd have maybe fifty bucks in there. Much to my delight, it was more like two hundred and fifty! I ask my mom if we can stop at the bank and we get over there only to realize that, hey, it's MLK day and the bank isn't open. So we do the next best thing. We go to the drive-up ATM there and withdraw most of the money and resolve to come back another day to actually close the account.

I guess it's kinda sad that having two hundred bucks makes one feel rich. Unfortunately, but not suprisingly, I no longer have the whole two hundred dollars. I had to get some things at Walmart that cost me a little less than twenty bucks, but hey, that's still a lot of money I have in my wallet.

In the presence of royalty

Well not really, but close. I was out at Michaels craft store with my mom yesterday. She and I have got it into our heads that we're going to make and sell hemp jewelry. I've been making it for years and finally got my mom hooked on it. Her church has a craft fair type deal every year so that's what we're looking at. Hey, who knows, if I can make enough money and get enough orders, I may never have to work again. Mwa ha ha ha. Take that corporate america!

Um...where was I? Oh yes, royalty at Michaels. Mom and I had just checked out and were standing at the door so she could put her coat on or something and I just then noticed the woman who'd been behind me in line. None other than a woman named Kathy Darling. Her husband Mark is pastor of the church I used to go to. You know how married people tend to resemble each other after a while? Well, it's the same with them. Their hair is kinda cut the same (except Kathy's isn't all that spiky) and I swear she was wearing the same coat Mark wears.

Anyway, after she paid for her purchases, just to be sure, I asked if she was Kathy Darling. She responded in the affirmative and I introduced myself and said I go to the Rock. I then introduced my mom to her. After that, we both got a "now what?" look on our face. We kind of awkwardly said goodbye and as she left I asked her to say hi to Mark for me.

I know pastors and their wives/family are just as human as the rest of us, but still. I felt awkward and socially inept when speaking to her. My palms were sweaty and it felt like I had little creatures trying to erupt from my stomach. Also, it seemed that my tongue had swollen to three times its normal size so that I was unable to form words correctly.

She also deigned to shake my right hand. I don't think I'll ever wash it. I actually will because otherwise it would be quite unsanitary, but you get my drift.

I LOVE MY BROTHER!!!

I bought a new tv and vcr/dvd player yesterday for mine and my brother's room so I could hook up my xbox to it since there weren't any more plug-ins on the one in the livingroom. Well, to be completely accurate, my mom bought it and I'm paying her back half since I paid for most of her new computer desk.

We had gotten the computer desk on Thursday and stayed up until 2am putting the damn thing together. It was actually kinda fun except for the staying up WAY too late part. Plus, we started so late that we'd only gotten the desk part together so we decided to wait until later on Friday to put the top part of the desk on. Y'know, you got the actual desk and then an upright attachment that has some shelves and stuff.

So anyway, it's like 9:00 before we finished with that (got started late again) and I head off to our room (mine and my brother's) to rip the box off the tv and hook up it, the dvd/vcr, and my xbox. Well, I couldn't understand how to do it. There were a couple more cords than I'm used to having so I called my mom in to help. We spent like 45 minutes in there trying to figure the darn thing out and we still couldn't get it. Finally we had my brother call our dad to see if he could come over today and hook it up.

He didn't answer the phone so my brother left a message. I wouldn't say I was in a funk the rest of the night, but I was seriously bummed.

1. I wanted so bad to play my xbox, due to the fact that I'd gotten three new games (one of which is Halo 2)

And...

2. I was 98% sure dad wasn't gonna call anytime soon.

My mom and I ended up watching the moving Mr. & Mrs. Smith (funny movie) which lasted until about 1:30am or so. After that, I went to bed.

This morning... I was on the computer checking email and blogs and such when my brother got up.

Him: Morning
Me: Morning

He goes back in our room. And a few minutes later...

Him: You better hug me!!
Me: What?
Him: I fixed it
Me: What?
Him: Your xbox, I hooked it up
Me: WHAT?!?!?
Him: Come here

So I follow him into the room and there on the tv is the opening screen when you turn on my xbox after it's been unplugged. What the crap! He said all he did was plug the audio/video from the vcr into the back of the tv instead of the front. What the crap!! I coulda swore that my mom and I did that last night. He suggested I write about it on my blog so that's what I'm doing. And now, I'm off to play Scaler and liquify my brain.

Another year

Last night was nothing special for me. I mean, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't "all that". My mom, brother, and I were invited to a friend's house for a little soiree. They had the best chili cheese dip that I've ever tasted. OH...MY...GOD!! It was so fantastic. I think I had like three helpings of it. There was also guacamoli dip, veggies and dip, french onion dip for potato chips, brownies, cookies, apple crisp, and cocktail weenies. All in all, fairly good.

It was the three of us, the family of seven whose house it was, the boyfriend of their oldest daughter, and four other people from their church. Not enormously crowded, but I did have a small little freak out. I haven't had one like that in a while. Part of me wanted to be there, but another part of me wanted to get the hell out of there and go home where it's nice and quiet and there's only two other people I have to deal with. Have I mentioned before that I'm not really a people person?

Anyway, it was basically just chatting and hanging out. We had to leave early cuz my mom had to work this morning so we didn't get to see the ball drop. Also, the oldest daughter and her boyfriend went out to rent Cinderella Man for everyone to watch until it got closer to midnight, but it would've been harder to leave if we'd waited until after the movie started. So, we didn't get to see that either.

However, Matthew and I did stay up until midnight playing video games. And, you wanna know something cool? I slept all the way through the night last night, woke up at a decent time, and didn't end up going back to sleep even though I'm uber tired! I've probably stated in some earlier post that I'm an insomniac. If I haven't, then I apologize profusely. Night before last, I didn't fall asleep until about 4:30am and then woke up at 8:00am. Granted, last night I took my sleeping meds, but the other night I couldn't cuz by the time I realized I wasn't going to fall asleep, it was too late to take anything. If I had, I would've slept 'til about three in the afternoon. Not good.

Well, I suppose I could use rest of this post to highlight things from '05 that were really significant to me, but I won't bore you, or myself, with all that drivel.

Peace out