to listen to my roommates. Last night was Celebrate Recovery. Earlier in the week I'd been planning on going, even told another friend that I'd see her there. But for some reason, when the actual day came around, I didn't wanna go. I told one of my roomies that and she was on my case the rest of the day saying that I should go and wanting me to give her a good reason why I didn't want to. Of course, I didn't really have a good reason other than I didn't feel like it, didn't wanna talk to anyone, and wanted a night to myself without other people around me.
I got my wish. One roomie left just as another was getting home, the roommate that was bugging me went to C.R., and then the third roommate went to a coffee shop. I chatted online for quite a bit and, when one roommate came home and wished to use the computer, I played video games until everyone else got home.
For some reason later on, I got really irritated, felt a bit depressed, anxious, etc. etc. I didn't wanna talk to my roomies cuz I was afraid they'd get an "I told you so" attitude about my not going to Celebrate Recovery that night. I went up in my room and put some music on, but it was Evanesence so not very uplifting. I then did something pretty bad. I slipped up again in the area of self-injury. I got so pissed at myself that I got in the mindset of wishing to punish myself for it...which would've led to more self-injury. I didn't punish myself, but I still feel like total crap. I have yet to tell my roomies what happened. I sent a text to the leader of the women's recovery group saying that I'd slipped up again, but didn't specify how.
I am such a moron!
dreamer
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