Spiritual attack??

Okay, so for the past month or so I've been having a lot of anxiety. First, it was due to my job. The job lasted for three days, but I still had a lot of generalized anxiety. I talked to my doctor and he increased the dosage of one of my medications that's supposed to help with anxiety. It helped a little, but not much and not for long.

I mentioned my recent job at Super America. The first two days of training I was a little nervous, but it wasn't too bad. The third day of training, I started crying in the car when my mom dropped me off cuz I was so anxious. But, I went in and worked anyway. But then what was to be my second day of working at the location on 25th and Bloomington was a totally different story. By mid morning I was starting to feel really anxious and was crying. I prayed and prayed and it didn't seem to get any better. I was talking with my roommate and that wasn't helping any. I tried calling people and nobody answered their phones. I decided to call work and let them know I couldn't be there. However, I was in such a state that my roommate had to call for me. I was sobbing and starting to hyperventilate. It was not a pretty sight, let me tell you.

By the afternoon I was so frustrated with this anxiety that I was honestly thinking of suicide. I had left a message for a friend of mine that goes to my mom's church so she called back and we talked for a bit. She agreed that some of the anxiety could be due to all the changes that have been happening (moving twice, new job, being independent and away from my mom), but that I've also been taking huge steps towards growth in my walk with God (Celebrate Recovery, living with Christian women, regular devotions, being open about my struggles) and that Satan doesn't like that and will do everything he can to hinder that growth. I also had called my pastor earlier, but he wasn't home so I left a message. He called back and I told him that I was considering suicide and the option to not have to deal with this anxiety day in and day out and it being so bad that I couldn't function. He lovingly explained that suicide is an option that I should just banish from my mind. He also said that lots of people have to deal with the pain and hardship of growing up and maturing and that it's not a piece of cake and that if I fight through this and don't give up, that I'll be stronger and better for it. That helped.

But, then this morning, I had my devos and came across something that causes me to think that this anxiety could be a form of spiritual attack. I'd never thought of that before. The book is authored by John and Stasi Eldridge. Stasi writes in relation to dizzy spells, but I immediately thought of anxiety.

"About eleven years ago, John brought home a book by Neil Anderson. I think it was The Bondage Breaker. John had begun to encounter spiritual warfare issues in some of the folks he was counseling and wanted to learn a little more about it. Curious, I opened the book and began to read some of the case histories Dr. Anderson writes about. One in particular caught my attention. He described a woman who was often dizzy. The feeling of dizziness would frequently come upon her and throw her off balance both physically and spirutally. Huh, I though. I get dizzy a lot too. I mentioned this to John, and he was totally surprised. He never knew this about me. It was something I had lived with or under for years, but it never occurred to me to tell him about it. To me, it was normal.
It's amaxing was we will live with because we think it's normal when it is not.
So we decided to perform an experiment. The next time a wave of dizziness came over me, I would command it in the name of Jesus to depart from me and see what happened. I didn't have to wait long. The next day I was busy with the activites of my daily life and suddenly, out of nowhere, I got hit with dizziness. I prayed and commanded the dizziness to leave in the authority of Jesus' name. And guess what? It left! Imediately. I was stunned. The next wave came later, and I prayed again. Again it left. Whoa! Something was going on here that was completely foreign to me. A whole new dimension of Christianity opened up for me. The dizziness was a form of spiritual attack. That whole Ephesians Passage about putting on the armor of God...he meant it. We would need it.
The dizzy spells (interesting phrase) did not cease quickly. In fact, they increased, both in number and intensity. I had to learn to stand and to keep standing, "resist him, standing firm in the faith," as Peter urged (1 Pet. 5:9). I had to learn in a new way to "not grow weary in doing good" (2 Thess. 3:13 NKJV), and to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17 NKJV). It was as if the assaulting spirit)s) didn't believe I would stand firm against them and so they kept trying.
I got hit a few weeks later with a wave of dizziness that knocked me off my feet. From the ground, I prayed again, commanding it to leave me in the name of Jesus Christ. It did. And I have never been assaulted by dizziness again. Something that I had lived with for decades is now gone, for good. Through the experience of standing firm against the attack of dizziness, God had begun to train my hands and my heart for battle."


So I'm thinking that I'm going to try a little experiment of my own. Granted, if a wave of anxiety hits me at work, I can't very well rebuke the spirit out loud (although in the neighborhood I work in it wouldn't be all that strange), but I can pray in my head for God's strength to get through it. But, if it hits any other time, I'm definitely going to rebuke it in Jesus' name.

I think I'm really going to like reading this chapter. It's entitled "Warrior Princesses". In the first section of the chapter, Stasi writes that "there's a mighty fierceness set in the hearts of women by God" and that "there is something incredibly fierce in the heart of a woman that is to be contended with -- not dismissed, not disdained, but recognized honored, welcomed, and trained." I like that :)

dreamer