Okay, I know I just posted like two minutes ago, but I was re-reading some of my earlier posts and decided to make an update on one. If you haven't read the post entitled "Don't wanna" then this won't make any sense.
So, in that post I was ranting about a guy, that I've practically been in love with for almost three years, who started dating a friend of mine. I mentioned that the girl hadn't told me beforehand that they were gonna start seeing each other so I felt pretty betrayed and unimportant.
A couple days after my conversation with the guy and finding out about all this, he and I talked again. I found out from him that she was hesitant to proceed with a relationship. She did remember the talk she and I had and how I felt about him and she didn't want to hurt me in the process of being with him. Between his and my conversation that day and a couple days before, I'd been praying and praying that God would help me come to a place of forgiveness and love for her. So upon hearing that she didn't want to develop a relationship with him if it'd hurt me helped me move past that original hurt.
A few days after that, she and I talked on the phone and decided to pursue a deeper friendship between the two of us that wasn't based on this guy. I wasn't sure how well it'd work, but I wanted to attempt it. I had come to really like her and didn't want to lose her friendship.
Their "relationship" took some different turns and grew and shrank and morphed...as relationships tend to do. Through all this, though, I was still in pretty bad shape. She and I were still friends and growing closer, but there was still a lot of pain whenever I'd see the two of them together and it was tough for me to even be around her without thinking about him.
I began talking to a couple women, one who goes to my church and was very aware of the dynamics of the situation and one who was completely removed from the situation, went to a different church, and had never met these two. They both gave me the same council and that was to check how much time I was spending with them together, talking to him, and to maybe take a little bit of a break. So I did that. I cut back on how much he and I talked and emailed and put more of a check on how much I let myself think about him when I was with her.
Throughout all this time, not only where they praying for me, I was praying for me, and I'm sure tons of other people were praying. There were a lot of times I wanted to just throw in the towel with the both of them, cut them both out of my life, count it as loss, and move on. But, I knew that wasn't what God wanted me to do. It'd be a complete cop-out. Plus, I didn't want her to use me as an excuse to give into her fear and run from a relationship with this guy.
Where I'm at right now is so totally different from the two and a half months ago when I posted "Don't wanna". Yeah, I still feel a twinge in my heart every now and then; usually when she's talking on the phone with him or I hear plans for them to hang out. I feel kinda left out at those times. But there isn't that constant, aching pain in my heart. I think it had a lot to do with pursuing the friendship with her despite my desire to the contrary and then also praying that God would bless them and just in general praying for them.
I think that's all I'm gonna put for now cuz it's almost 1pm and I'm stilll in my pajamas.
dreamer
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